Perhaps everything is not enough when you had everything you wanted since birth. For the longest time, I have searched for the one thing that would make me happy in life but could never find it. After this conversation, I would find out that having everything you wanted was not the answer.
For some stupid reason, I was always obsessed with living the best life and having the best life experiences in the wildest ways. They say those that are successful make the biggest sacrifices. For me, the biggest sacrifice was a life normalcy. I was never balanced person so why should I try to live a balanced life. A “normal” life never made sense until it was my only option. Here’s why!
My explanation of what I will eventually consider past regrets…Maybe!
I had always said even from as young as 19 years of age that I would not have a relationship until after 30 as I was obsessed with living the best life much like my father before me. Old Ronnie Gillard the wildest of the lot and friends to suit would always tell me from as young as 6 years old “rent don’t buy” which was his motto about women.
…the acorn has not fallen far from the tree…
My father as much of a dick to me growing up as he was, was intelligent…for an animal!!! He had scars from head to toe from a lifetime of partying and traveling. As a child, he would always brag to me about how he had several passports with stamps from start to finish and how he had lived the life of legends. Even though my dad in my eyes was always an asshole, he had literally lived a life of non-stop fun up until he was 45ish and his body broke down from the accidents and old school mentality of “she’ll be right” when he was severely injured and rarely getting them looked at by doctors.
To be honest I don’t remember a time of when my dad didn’t walk without a limp…I follow in this fools footsteps thanks to a tall roof of a pub that a bouncer asked me to descend from when I was full of drugs, alcohol and wearing a thick heeled MALE dress shoe! I had a reason for being up there…Not a good reason, but a reason all the same. 1 month on crutches and a permanently damaged ankle…idiot!
Fast forward to my travels in Kathmandu, Nepal where I find myself at the top of one of the taller central hotels with a ceramic view of the very picturesque Kathmandu…a city I will always remember for its incredible scenic surrounding views of the Himalayas…of course, the women are just as exotically scenic also…story for another time!
As I wait for my food order at the top of a tall buildings restaurant, I am invited to drink with some young local Nepali men. At first, I decline, as I had spent the better part of a day visiting the tourist sites and was not in the mood for conversation as I was talked out by a taxi driver/guide. Enter 8 Belgium early 20 something’s, I find inspiration to take up the offer as the women sit at the same table as the Nepali men…how convenient!
The first greets me in a slurring manner. He eventually explains that he is the son of a candidate expecting to win the current election for President of Nepal. The next Nepali man tells me that he is a successful entrepreneur of hotels which kind of makes sense as he explains why I had hot water on the first day of my stay at my hotel and NOT the remaining 3 days. He claims to have owned and sold the hotel I was staying in and that the reason why I had suffered several cold showers was because of the hot water was solely run by solar panels and it was monsoon season, meaning we had not seen the sun due to heavy rain clouds, therefore my suffering of not being able to have my soul filling 20 minute rinse…Like I need it…I don’t stink…said no one ever!
As I innocently sat there trying to make conversation with broken English Nepalese, I find myself playing arm chair psychologist with the son of the next president to be…unintentionally. The hotel Entrepreneur and his midget would roll their eyes as if to suggest they were used to it. (At first, I thought the midget was his 4-year-old son dressed in a leather jacket until I saw him put a cigarette into between his thick stache, bottom lip and stares at me with his beady eyes accompanied by crows feet.)
For some reason, my entire life I have been the shoulder to cry for those in need. Knowing what I know now, It really isn’t worth it, as people in need only speak at you and not with you! Someone, please give me an uppercut…ASAP!
He explains to me how he despises his father and intends to vote for the opposing party as his father has somehow done him wrong. This sounds like any sitcom or daddy issues drama I had ever accidentally watched due to being too lazy to turn off the TV after a night of drunken antics…or because I jumped off of a roof, full of drugs and destroyed my ankle…moving on!
Is this how males rebel when they have daddy issues??? Sounds familiar…
To me, it sounds like he is a lot like myself except that his father had set an almost unattainable goal! My dad set about to live a wild life of fun and not waste a minute of his youth, where as this Nepalese man was faced with living up to his father as potential president of his country! So perhaps not so much like myself…
Are all men trying to be like their father’s? That sounds dangerous for someone I know…Who am I kidding, It was dangerous for someone I know and I’m surprised I survived with all that happened! I had survived an accident at 24 years old and would spend the next 2 years in a coma with my eyes open and then 2 years after that slowly coming back from the dead!
After my accident and everything else life threw at me, I picked up where I left off…Correct I’m an idiot!
My goal, of a life full of fun was attainable, but to become president is agreeably no easy feat! As I would find out shortly after this conversation he was a man that suffered from self-esteem issues, mainly concerning if he was good enough due to living in his father shadow.
After he had laid out his trials and tribulations of being a great man’s son he would change the subject to how good looking I was and how he could not compete. Which, turned to him asking me what I had ordered and rushing to the kitchen to hurry up the kitchen staff so that I could take my order and leave.
That’s OK, I had to put my shirt on the clothes line to dry from the buckets of tears cried all over it for the last half hour…
The man that was given everything since birth only wanted the thing’s he couldn’t have, which couldn’t be given to him!
This was such an interesting conversation for me as it opened up my eyes to my own slightly similar downfalls that had a lot to do with poor parenting on my dad’s behalf. It would seem that parenting skills would play a big part in your life even to someone so against the grain as I was.
The great Bill Burr has a Joke about your Twenties being about taking out your child hood on the world. How right you are wise angry man! After barely surviving the last 10 years I agree!
If the life I had lead was due to my father leading me in the wrong direction, I will be eternally pissed! Not at my father, but at myself for not being smart enough to pick up on the fact that I was trying to live up to someone that had blazed a trail in a direction that was clearly in the opposite direction for me!
Who knows where I am headed but thank god for getting older! Finally, I am smart (I use this term lightly) enough to realize I’m a dickhead! Something I lacked severely throughout my early to mid-twenties.
Hey, at the end of the day what’s the worst that could go wrong? Not a decade of doing every wrong thing in sight and shooting 1200 bullets into my own foot!
Been there, done that! Setting goals as we speak, billion dollars here I come!